The problem of jokes that are hiding bullying and discrimination isn’t a new issue. Since we were young the people around us have slapped “It’s just a joke” or “it’s not a big deal” on anything they feel could be considered offensive. This creates a safety shield to be hurtful to the people around them. People tend to brush off the idea of verbal bullying being an issue. This is because we think to ourselves a couple of mean comments about someone’s clothes can’t really hurt them. However, these jokes tend to start seeming more like bullying than being funny– and we at the Tom Tom believe this needs to stop.
Verbal bullying has increased to the level of being unacceptable. When students walk these halls there should be a sense of community. Schools should be a safe space for students. There are a lot of reasons why school isn’t a safe space for a lot of students, but one of them is the amount of “jokes” that are made that are just not okay.
Jokes about physical appearance, sexual orientation, traumatic experiences, and gender identity are not okay. The line between when jokes start being plain mean can be blurry. We all have different boundaries and humor, and when a person has something that makes them self conscious and their “friends” go and make fun of that exact thing, that doesn’t feel right. When you go out of your way to make another person feel bad about something they can’t control, that is just gross and starts to feel a little like shaming. Jokes are supposed to be funny. But no one’s laughing. There’s no laughing when you call your friend slurs, or make fun of them for eating. If you are causing your friends distress all for the sake of “humor”, I feel like that isn’t friendship.
Certain adults might say “this generation is weak” and “a little bit of being made fun of would do them so good”. But we know this isn’t true. Bullying has a huge impact on the victim. Studies from different sites like American Academy of Experts in Traumatic Stress, stopbullying, Rainbow Pediatrics of Fayetteville, National Library of Medicine, and Association of Behavior Analysis International have shown that bullying is not something to be tolerated in the slightest, and definitely doesn’t “do them some good”. Self-esteem issues, depression, anxiety, and even suicide are a few effects of bullying.
In general with our frontal cortex not being fully developed, we tend to throw around words that we don’t understand. “You are good for a girl”, “big-backs”, and slurs are just a few examples. This is why it is so important to understand the meanings behind the words we say. For example the phrase “big-backs” comes from TikTok and just seems to mean you are very hungry or are eating something. Sites like Wikihow, Parents, and Urban Dictionary point out the phrase takes on a deeper meaning. It is calling someone fat. The history of the word and the culture around it is fat shaming people for how or what they eat. Even if you don’t mean it “that way”, it doesn’t change the impact your words can have on that person. We are in 2025. The fact that phrases are being used is ridiculous. Wrapping it up as a joke dismisses the behavior and allows it to keep on going. It is not that hard to be nice to people, or at least be decent.
Still, there are easy steps we can take to fix this problem. First of all, boundaries are important. We’re all different because what Johnny may feel is not what Jimmy feels. This is where conversation is needed. We have to communicate with one another. If you feel hurt by something that is said, tell your friend. If you choose to tell them on the spot, you may say something like “I don’t think we should joke about that” or “I am uncomfortable with us joking around about this topic”. Make it clear if a joke makes you feel uncomfortable. True friends should listen to you and do their best to change their behavior.
But on the other side of the coin, you may end up having to decide if it is worth continuing a friendship. Your friends should be your people. You do not deserve to feel hurt or uncomfortable.
Life is a learning process. You won’t always know how to be there for your friends, sometimes you hurt them without meaning to. You may cross a line or say something that personally offends them. It is hard to be a good friend sometimes. Which is why you have to keep trying and talking and listening. Always keep listening. No one is perfect, and we at the Tom Tom know that, but we truly believe that these comments are causing issues within our school community.
